it's been too long, friend!

Well, hey internet. It's been a while!

So much for maintaining a detailed document of my voluntary service. Because, initially, that is what got this blog started in the first place. My intentions were good, but my motivation was lacking.
I'm really in need of some ass-kicking. Good god.
So here I am, once again, attempting to redeem myself.
Let's get started.

So I will quickly recap these past 2ish years in just a few bullet points.

• I moved from Edmonton to Texas, pouncing onto one voluntary experience from another, without giving myself much time to breathe. 
• I was placed in San Antonio where I worked full-time as a caseworker at a refugee resettlement program, with Afghani and Iraqi clients as my primary focus. 
• I made a butt-load of friends, had my fair share of roommate drama, dated a few questionable characters and made some long-lasting connections.
• I came back to Edmonton, with a strong gut-feeling that I wasn't ready to go to Winnipeg quite yet (or perhaps Winnipeg wasn't going to be ready for me... hardy har har).
• I moved in with 3 German girls and a university professor (sounds like the premise of a coming-of-age, teen-angst movie from the 90's), which has resulted in even MORE roommate drama! Oh hurray, the fun never ends. 
• I applied for and was accepted at a transitional housing program for women as an overnight careworker.
• I decided it was finally the right time to go to Winnipeg after I finished another year in Edmonton, and impulsively applied to the University of Winnipeg! Aaaand got in. Cha-ching.

That pretty much sums it up. Huh.

These past two years were full of new experiences for me:

-I dated more people in my one year in Texas than all the years I started dating, combined. And so, needless to say, I have learnt a fair bit about what I am looking for in a person, and how I truly perceive myself. 

-I learned how to give fewer fucks about what people think about me, and that I am only in control of my own emotions and actions. I felt quite liberated once I accepted this fact and decided to apply it to my life.

-I've come to terms with my anxiety and can now walk away from an awkward interaction with a friend or a stranger without feeling as personally affected by it as I once did. It is okay to not feel okay. It does not mean that I am weak or pathetic. 

-I have a better idea of what makes me the happiest. And I allow myself to feel happy.

In a few months a new chapter of my life is beginning. I will be going home and facing my fears. Winnipeg was where I felt unstable and at my worst. But I am a much stronger person now, and I am so excited to start over with a clean slate. I have redefined myself. And I'm ready to test it out.

A project: take 1

January 4th, 2014

I have been thinking about how I have been putting off activities that require deep thought. I used to read at least two books per week, write constantly and draw with my sister. This past year or so I haven't taken the time to nurture those activities and skills. I can feel my creative juices depleting.
So I have come to a conclusion. I am often lost in my thoughts, and am so distracted from work. Social interactions are becoming more of a burden and less of having a great time with caring people. But I figure that this form of exercise will get me back on track and will help me feel not so distant from everyone in real life. Once I've gotten my thoughts organized for myself (or, at least expressed...) perhaps it will make conversation with those around me just a little easier.
At least one reflection per week. That is the goal.
When I have a thought- a prayer, idea, song stuck in my head... anything, really- I will gather up one or two major topics that stuck in my head for that respective week. Then I will write about it, in any format I wish. Maybe a plain old blog entry! A poem! A long winded sentence! Who knows!

Today is Saturday. This is a November thought that I had on a Wednesday. Well, this is cheating. :D

Ahem.

Consideration. I never use this word in real life. When someone is called "considerate," it is not usually taken as either an incredibly amazing compliment or an insult. It is like calling someone "interesting." Neither are exactly the most expressive adjectives you can use to describe a person, and neither really provoke any feelings of being well liked and understood by the people around you. Sometimes they just feel like polite words that can be used to help a conversation along.
I have been called "considerate" in the past, and I am still not sure what it means.

A little ways back a friend lamented to me that a man she has been talking to through an online dating service, and who she just met in person about a month ago, asked her good friend out promptly after hanging out with the two of them at a function a few days after meeting for the first time.
Ouch. I would say that there is clearly a lack of consideration on his part.
That he needed to consider the fact that, upon the second time meeting this girl, that asking her best friend out on a date is probably not the best way to keep good feelings going.
But... maybe my friend should consider the fact that she was too shy to talk to him the first time she saw him, and so she didn't utter a word to him the entire evening? Maybe he thinks that she doesn't like him at all?
But... maybe this man should consider that he is just as responsible to approach her the first time as she is. Especially since he was the one that suggested attending a function that she was already planning to go to beforehand.

Consideration. It gets complicated.

• the act of considering; careful thought; meditation; deliberation: I will give your project full consideration.
• thoughtful or sympathetic regard or respect; thoughtfulness for others: They showed no consideration for his feelings.
• a thought or reflection; an opinion based upon reflection.a recompense or payment

Consideration can keep you from doing what you know is right for you.
Consideration can hold you back. An overbearing and relentless sort of consideration seems to have been instilled in me somehow, and it is an annoying pest that I have to corral and control. I want to shape it and make it mine, but it wants to buck and make things complicated.

poems that remind me of home and how far I've gone

B.C

Between water and sky,
Floating between mountains
A sort of heaven.
Indistinguishable lights;
Houses
Stars
A black, silky spread that
Never ends.

Gazing out into dark, inky space
Splattered by pinpricks of light
Entertaining the notion that
Maybe I am a fairy,
An astronaut,
Or a spirit
Peering into the heart of a city,
A child's game.

Za'atar Roasted Sweet Potato, Chickpea and Spinach Salad

Happy Turkey Day!

Every Thanksgiving San Antonio Mennonite has a beautiful tradition of holding Thanksgiving dinner in their basement, where each person brings a dish to share and a game to play afterwards. The spread was incredible. Wow.

My contribution was one that was suggested by my roommate, as we are apparently obsessed with making food involving sweet potatoes. :)

The blog we got this recipe from is called Naturally Ella.

So first I cut up all the things (sweet potatoes and onions) and threw them into a roasting pan.

The Za'atar spice blend and greek yogurt were mixed together and then mixed into the sweet potatoes and onion. Tossed that around in the pan, and then threw that in the oven for about 40 minutes. Bam! Easy peasy.

Then came making the bed of spinach and parsley for this delicious sweet potato concoction. I decided to add a bit of kale to make life a little more exciting. xD Squeeze some lemon juice onto there, drizzle some olive oil on top and toss that around. Chickpeas were then tossed in with some goat cheese, and then voila! A beautiful salad.

These are the salad friends my cute little salad made at the Thanksgiving buffet table.

 It was a success!

Yummmmmmmm

Simple Iced Mocha Cappuccino

The iced mocha cappuccino for the poor volunteer in us all.

So basically I had some coffee that I hadn't finished this morning. Whups. I kinda stared at it, not feeling very inspired to throw it in the microwave.
I peered into the fridge, and realized that I could make a killer iced coffee.
Which ended up turning into a super chocolatey, delicious iced cappuccino. It turned out well, so well that I felt it necessary to share it with the world! :)

I have been feeling pretty sick today, so this cappuccino is such a good pick-me-up. Might take it to go relax on the hammock and read a book in a few minutes. Mmm.

What you need:

• Coffee (mine was strong, french-pressed coffee. But it was a few hours old. You might want to make a fresh batch, don't follow my example)
• Almond milk (in this case we only have almond coconut milk in the fridge. The coconut is pretty fantastic, I highly recommend feeling fancy and buying this stuff. Mmm mm.)
• Nutella (we have faker nutella in the fridge. You get the idea, a delicious chocolate spread)
• Whipped cream (optional, I added it because I was really craving something super sugary. This is definitely not required)
• Ice

Combine all of these delicious things in the blender until you get the consistency you want. I added almost half of the ice cube tray to mine. I like mine super slushy.
Pour it into a mason jar, if you want to really get the poor volunteer vibes going.

And voila! The perfect drink for a hot, October day.

...

Oh Texas. Only here would I be able to state that and not be joking. :)

Welcome to 'Murica, puny human: 2 month mark

Buon giorno friends.

         Texas Texas Texas Texas Texas Texas Texas Texas Texas 

I am in Texas!

It is October, and I am happy to say that things are looking pretty good from where I am standing. So far I have managed to:

• make a bus stop lady-friend named Nancy
• play at my very first parade with a community-run marching band
• try tamales and menudo (tamales are delicious, menudo... not so much)
• attend an accordion festival
• discover a resident lizard in our backyard (I have decided to name him Lorenzo)
• bake cookies with a three year old from our church
• beach camp at Corpus Christi in the pouring rain
• sell raffle tickets at a fancy gala
• scare a scorpion back down the sink at work
• watch my first live game of basketball

*under construction

My Year mit Gerrrmans und ze Mustard Seed

My Year with Germans and The Mustard Seed: Presented in Point Form

by Marie Bergen

-cookies

-getting lost

-pub friends

-sausage connoisseurs

-cupcakes

-free body lotion

-kitchen dance parties

-35 cent shrimp night

-bread maker fun

-spaghetties!

-Science!

-Canada!

-slender cat

-farmer's markets

-cream in EVERYTHING

-spaetzle

-tofu donation (oh man, Marie is cooking again!)

-always missing northern lights

-music for all occasions

-bread fight

-dishes

-soup

-beer connoisseurs

-powdered ice tea

-mixing drinks (Johannes is a fancy person)

-Johnny Cash

-cakes in donation

-"Genau!"

-midnight-happy-birthday-air-raid-brownie-cake

-pickled fish

-coffee excursions

-thrift shopping

-"What would Sarah say?" "DUMP EEEET."
-hats