I'm getting excited

Hey there!

So these past few weeks have been spent in preparation for San Antonio. Being the emotional person I am, this has not been an easy process for me. I am sad. I am unbearably excited. I am scared.

For me, this transition that occurs when preparing for and arriving in a new place has happened a number of times. I have been away from home for so long that the mere idea of travelling is not too daunting anymore.
But it is a completely different story when you actually reach your destination and realize that your old life is worlds away. I will never get used to that unsettling feeling deep in the pit of my stomach when I enter a place full of people I have never met before. There is expectation there, from both you and the people around you. Right now I can prance around and proclaim all I want that I am going to San Antonio for mission work. How that translates into action, however, is entirely up to me and to the people supporting me in Texas. This is unnerving. It is hard to not have control.
I have learned over this year that serving God means letting go of what is comfortable. I have let go of control over my life, materialistically and spiritually, and this is terrifying. When I think of money I actually feel slightly ill. I know that I am poor. This is the life of a volunteer, though, and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

I have seen the face of God here, whether I have wanted to or not. Sometimes he gently takes me by the hand and stands quietly next to me as I go about my work. Other times he will violently shove me into something unknown and foreign and scare the hell out of me. Most of the time I feel like he's sitting on the sidelines, observing, with his hands free and ready to catch me whenever I stumble (which is often). I have appreciated his grace and understanding as I have learned more about myself through trial and error. I have made mistakes, many mistakes, but there is forgiveness. And life goes on.

So. Another adventure, more people to meet, and a new life to begin.